Snow and Memory

A snowstorm like from days gone by

February 6th has been very memorable over the years, but one thing that seems to be consistent about it is that on the most memorable days,  it snowed.

Twelve years ago, I received a phone call on the night of February 6th from my father.  He told me to sit down, and then told me bluntly that my mother had died at age 58, a bit more than a month shy of her 59th birthday.

It had snowed in upstate PA, where I lived at the time, but that same storm that had dumped snow on us, had been far worse in Ohio.  She was alone at home, having left work feeling ill, and suffered a heart attack in the early hours of the morning.  It had been snowing heavily since the previous day, and even if someone else had been there with her to call 911, there would have been no way for the EMTs to get to her house out in the country in time to save her life because of not-yet-plowed roads.

I’ve been missing her a lot lately, but when I realized that we were having the kind of weather that marked the night of her death, I had very mixed feelings about the snow storm that kept us inside our house and off the roads.  It was beautiful and awe-inspiring to see the power of winds and ice and tiny snowflakes to bring to a halt the activity of mankind, even if only on a temporary basis.  But it was sad too, bringing back memories of 12 years ago.

I suppose that my mother’s death was meant to be.  Had she been able to be resuscitated, there would have likely been a significant diminishment in her quality of life.  Two years prior, she had suffered a high sugar episode that caused some brain damage before the doctors got her stabilized again, and she hated knowing that she used to have mathematical abilities before that she could no longer access.  Perhaps it really was better this way.

And so now, when I see snow, I do miss my Mom… but I’m trying harder to think of all the good memories that I have of her instead of the sad few that tend to be the first to jump to my mind.  That’s a good goal to work on!